* Invented the 3rd inch on the tape measure.
* Won the Strong Man competition 37 years in a row.
* Single handedly responsible for the thing that makes Bluetooth work “you're welcome”
* Master of all things cool.
*Once caught a fish, inside a shark, wrapped up by an octopus, with a homemade lure.
* Invented the wheel... and fire.
*19 time Medal of Honor recipient.
* Allergic to rattle snake bites.
* Climbed Mt. Everest 3 times.
* Won in Elvis Presley look alike contest.
* Knows the words to every Neil Diamond song. Every. Single. One.
* Can clap without using his hands.
* Invented the sports crowd wave.
*Recently won Strong Man competition, beating 37X champ.
*Designed stealth camouflage for Areas 49, 50 and 51.
*Coined the phrase, "Slug Bug." as part of anger management course.
*Sailed around Martha's Vineyard in 9 days, surviving on luncheables.
* Holds Guinness record for climbing tallest tree in Saraha.
* Accidentally leaned on the tower of Pisa in 1283 AD and brought economic growth to the region from tourist for the last few centuries.
* Invented the frayed knot.
* Taught spiders how to hold their breath under water.
* Have been used as a Kevin Costner look alike.
* Best ceiling man on this side of the Rio Grande.
* Largest pipe manufacturer off the Dallas coast.
* Henry Ford asked me if the Model-T should be painted black.
* Has a personal wholesale account at Blue Bell.
* Jay Leno likes his garage.
* Believes red lights, stop signs and speed limits are just suggestions.
* Speaks 32 languages and a little Spanish.
* Won $1 Mil in Vegas and blew it on pillow products in one weekend.
*Inspired Diego in Dora the Explorer
* Once beat Chuck Norris in a game of pickleball.
* Assigns everyone a secret handshake because robots.
* Recently recovered from a 3 year case of Syphilis.
* Identifies as an Aardvark.
* Her best friends are martians.
* Donated her $10 mil lotto winnings to all massage therapists.
* First woman to fly to the moon... with Elon Musk..... via plane.
* Can bench 100x her weight with just one hand.
* Lost pinky toe in bingo accident.
* President of Mullet and Stretchy Jeans club.
* Banned from Bed Bath and Beyond for repeating "It puts the lotion in the basket."
* Cows follow him around. Don't ask.
* Once caught a 2 headed 5lb bass
* Offer him a Bud Light at your own risk.
* Is the only undefeated Arm Wrestling Champion.
* Don't ask him how to spell his name
* Master Plumber
* Master Electrician
* Master Carpenter
SOCIAL MEDIA / MARKETING
* Wrote the sequel to Webster's Dictionary.
* Telepathically communicates with animals.
* Graduated Cum Laude from Hogwarts.
* Possibly a jedi knight.
* Samuel L Jackson wishes he had one.
* Turned down a starring role in The Fast and Furious because the other cars were not fast or furious enough.
* Your mom was in the backseat.
* Comes equipped with rocket launcher and seat ejection.
* Taught Lassie how to "come home."
* Originally cast in Men In Black, but was fired due to artistic differences.
* Invented the word "Zoinks" which was stolen by Scooby Doo... lawsuit pending.
* Brags about once having sniffed the butt of a squatting Kardashian.