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Chris Caputo

PRESIDENT

* Invented the 3rd inch on the tape measure.

* Won the Strong Man competition 37 years in a row.

* Single handedly responsible for the thing that makes Bluetooth work “you're welcome”

* Master of all things cool.

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Jack White

FOUNDER

*Once caught a fish, inside a shark, wrapped up by an octopus, with a homemade lure.  

* Invented the wheel... and fire.

*19 time Medal of Honor recipient.

* Allergic to rattle snake bites.

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Bob Kornegay

VICE PRESIDENT

* Climbed Mt. Everest 3 times.

* Won in Elvis Presley look alike contest.

* Knows the words to every Neil Diamond song. Every. Single. One.

* Can clap without using his hands.

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Amy Hardin

CONTROLLER

* Invented the sports crowd wave.

*Recently won Strong Man competition, beating 37X champ.

*Designed stealth camouflage for Areas 49, 50 and 51.

*Coined the phrase, "Slug Bug." as part of anger management course.

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Heath Kornegay

ESTIMATOR

*Sailed around Martha's Vineyard in 9 days, surviving on luncheables.

* Holds Guinness record for climbing tallest tree in Saraha. 

* Accidentally leaned on the tower of Pisa in 1283 AD and brought economic growth to the region from tourist for the last few centuries. 

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Troy Derrick

SUPERINTENDENT

* Invented the frayed knot.

* Taught spiders how to hold their breath under water.

* Have been used as a Kevin Costner look alike.

* Best ceiling man on this side of the Rio Grande.

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Jay Beller

SUPERINTENDENT

* Largest pipe manufacturer off the Dallas coast.

* Henry Ford asked me if the Model-T should be painted black.

* Has a personal wholesale account at Blue Bell.

* Jay Leno likes his garage.

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Jose Mancillas

LIGHTING SUPERINTENDENT

* Believes red lights, stop signs and speed limits are just suggestions.

* Speaks 32 languages and a little Spanish.

* Won $1 Mil in Vegas and blew it on pillow products in one weekend.

*Inspired Diego in Dora the Explorer

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Alvie Phillips

SUPERINTENDENT

* Worked in Santa's Workshop for 3 consecutive years.

* Admits to being the reason for instructions on shampoo.

* Tornadoes circle around him.

* Once killed a bear with nothing but a spoon and a sears catalogue. 

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Dorian Caputo

SUPERINTENDENT

* Once beat Chuck Norris in a game of pickleball.

* Assigns everyone a secret handshake because robots. 

* Recently recovered from a 3 year case of Syphilis.

* Identifies as an Aardvark.

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DeAynni Hatley

PROJECT MANAGER

* Her best friends are martians.

* Donated her $10 mil lotto winnings to all massage therapists.

* First woman to fly to the moon... with Elon Musk..... via plane.

* Can bench 100x her weight with just one hand.

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Antonio

ASSISTANT

* Master Plumber

* Master Electrician

* Master Carpenter

* Philosopher

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Jenifer Stimson

SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER

* Wrote the sequel to Webster's Dictionary.

* Telepathically communicates with animals.

* Is celebrating her 491st year with the company.

* Possibly a vampire.

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Hoss

MASCOT

* Taught Lassie how to "come home."

* Originally cast in Men In Black, but was fired due to artistic differences.

* Invented the word "Zoinks" which was stolen by Scooby Doo... lawsuit pending.

* Brags about once having sniffed the butt of a squatting Kardashian.

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